new yeller

It seems to be that one of the most tired ideas in cinema is the Talking Animal Movie. You would think that they would've run this idea to the ground, but, sure enough, here comes Marmaduke. I would link the trailer here, but I wouldn't wish that abortion of a film on anyone. I'm hoping that the Fred Bassett film would be more representative of the fine work that appears in the daily comics, but I merely dare to dream.

So, with the combination of all of these Talking Animal Movies and the fact that most film executives don't have an original idea in their head, I'm led to ask, "Why haven't they made a Talking Animal version of the movie Old Yeller?" I mean, nobody forgets Old Yeller. No one. Just get an interesting actor to do the voice of the faithful hound, maybe put Justin Bieber as the boy, and you've got a $100 million dollar movie.

Now, since I'd want it to have an edge, I'd want either Al Pacino or Christopher Walken as the dog's voice. Go all out. Dare to go PG-13 with the film. Couldn't you see the ending, when O.Y. got attacked by the wolf and got rabies, and the boy has a fateful choice?

BOY: How you doing, Old Boy?

O.Y.: I'm bad, man, I'm bad. When the poison gets in you, it's...it's hard, man. I think you're gonna have to take me out.

BOY: I can't.

O.Y.: You have to! I'm losing it, Kenny!

BOY: My name is Travis.

O.Y.: See what I'm telling you? I'm bad! I'm crazy! I'm seeing things, man, bad things. I want...I want, blood.

BOY: Don't talk that way.

O.Y.: Get your gun, Travis.

(Travis gets his gun. He points at Old Yeller, but he's hesitant.)

BOY: I...I can't.

O.Y.: You have to, do it. Do it for me.

BOY: Can't we find a doctor, make you better?

O.Y.: Shoot me, I'm a raving lunatic! Shoot me!

(Travis' hand is shaking.)

O.Y.: SHOOT ME, YOU SON OF A BITCH!

(Travis shuts his eyes. Sound of a gun shot, fade to black).

END SCENE

I give it two years before that film gets made. Either that, or Fred Bassett. Maybe Marmaduke 2: Canine Boogaloo.