Thursday, January 22, 2009

i picked the wrong business to be in...

There was a part of me that always wanted to do comedy. I held back, mainly because most of the people that I knew or read about in that profession seemed to be unhappy, bitter people that were willing to stab one in the back. Before you say "Shawn, you would've been perfect for comedy!", it's not the personal traits that I'd want to pursue. That being said, something that I saw tonight made me realize that I may have made a mistake.

You see the picture above. That's Elizabeth Moss from "Mad Men", otherwise known as the redhead. I haven't started watching it, yet, but I've heard about the redhead. The guy in the picture is Fred Armisen, from "Saturday Night Live". I think he's amusing - more or less - but I do have one friend that openly despises him and thinks he's the least funny guy in show business.

Anyway, they're getting married. That's right, married. Now, no knocks on Armisen's looks (but, really, I am knocking), but he sure as hell must be a funny guy in person. Also, Armisen used to date Petra Haden, another woman whom I dig greatly. This man has pulled at least two women that I would be proud to call my own (as far as I know, at least - they could be freaks, perhaps), and I have to believe "Saturday Night Live" has a lot to do with it. 

There's an article that appeared recently about the amazing ability of David Spade to succeed with the ladies, and while it was stated that it is more about his personality than his fame, I'm sure his success in comedy did not hurt him.

Anyway, is it true that women are looking for men that make them laugh? I'm still trying to figure that one out. But God bless Fred Armisen. 

Monday, January 12, 2009

names for bands i'll never be in

I'm one of those people that will never be in a band. I wish that I had musical ability, but after watching a couple of my friends sit down at the drums and guitar and play them effortlessly at the Seattle Music Experience while I clumsily attacked a poor, defenseless guitar, it is clear that a career on stage is not in the cards for me. That is a shame, because I know that if I ever was in a band, it would have a kick-ass name.

Over the course of time, I have come up with a few band names that I think are worthy of the Hollywood Bowl (or maybe just Smell or Spaceland). Here are some old and new names mixed together. If you have a band and want to use one of these names, please just remember to tell people where you got it from. I'd like to have at least some footnote in rock music history.

Gratuitous Studebaker
Black Pasta
Slow White Bronco
The Rude Lads
The Martin Landau Accident
The Flesh Pops
Suburb Fabulous
Gosh Darn!
The Klecko Maniacs
Baggage Claim
The Satin Pillowcase Romantics
Teddy Ruxpin Abuse
Bilge Pop
Milk Truck of Funk
Kraken Release Therapy
Plenty of Notes (or, Notes Aplenty)

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

What She Said

Following my brother's blog, just for the heck of it, I am playing his ITunes game - partially because I'm curious of the answers, partially to see just how different my answers end up to my brother (our musical tastes are, to say the least, different).

1. Put your music on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

1)IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY?" YOU SAY: "Winterlong", the Pixies. No idea.

2)WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? "Near Wild Heaven", R.E.M. Can't complain there.

3)WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? "Sour Times", Portishead. "Nobody LOVES me, yes it's true..." I guess I like pessimists. Hmmm.

4)HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? "So You'll Aim Toward the Sky", Grandaddy. I did feel a little optimistic. :)

5)WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE? "Muscle'n Flo", Menomena. Will get back to you.

6)WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? "Electioneering", Radiohead. I'll just say that "OK Computer" is one hell of an album and leave it at that, although I guess I'm a political person in many ways.

7)WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? "The Center of the World", Bright Eyes. I wish. :)

8)WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? "Sensitive Euro Man", Pavement. Okay, that's disturbing.

9)WHAT IS 2+2? "High on Cruel", Neko Case and her Boyfriends. Logic is Bad? 

10)WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? "My Old Man", the Walkmen. Hee-hee.

11)WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? "This is All I Came to Do", Dinosaur Jr. Again, funny.

12)WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? "Takin a Ride", The Replacements. Wheeeeeeee.

13)WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? "Greenville", Lucinda Williams. "I don't love you anymore, so go home," more or less. That could've gone somewhere else better.

14)WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? "You're No Rock 'n Roll Fun", Sleater-Kinney. God, I hope not.

15)WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? "Misunderstood", Jeff Tweedy. Ain't that the truth.

16)WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? "Bewilderbeast", Badly Drawn Boy. Okay, this ain't too bad here. It's an instrumental song, kind of chamber pop. Wouldn't be the ideal song, but it could've been worse. Like "Sensitive Euro Man".

17)WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? "Come Back Margaret", Camera Obscura. Who in the hell is Margaret?

18)WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? "Jackals, False Grails: The Lonesome Era", Pavement. This one just opened up about two hours of therapy right there.

19)WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? "Med sud i eyrum", Sigur Ros. It's such a big secret, it's Icelandic.

20)WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? "Etoh", the Avalanches. Okay, we've really hit the gibberish portion of this questionnaire.

21)WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN? "Woodgrain", Wilco. Probably could stretch this into a coffin reference.

22)HOW WILL YOU DIE? "Folk Jam", Pavement. Great, I'm going to be one of those hippies that has a heart attack while dancing poorly.

23)WHAT IS THE ONE THING THAT YOU REGRET? "We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed", Los Campesinos. I regret that I am so damn pretty.

24)WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH? "Sleep Now in the Fire", Rage Against the Machine. Yep, when I think comedy, I think Zack de la Rocha.

25)WHAT MAKES YOU CRY? "On Bedford and Grand", the Besnard Lakes. They do some sad songs ("Disaster" would've really hit the mark), but this one misses.

26)WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED? "Lazy Flies", Beck. Maybe I need to get out there a little more...

27)WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST? "Shame", PJ Harvey. Well...(thinking of a clever response).

28)DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU? "It's Only Love", the Beatles. Which way should I take this answer?

29)IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE? "One of Us", Joan Osborne. I have an answer here, but I refuse to say it.

30)WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW? "Strange", R.E.M. "There's something going on that's not quite right, uh-huh." I'll get back to you.

31)WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS? "What She Said", the Smiths. So I will.

32)HOW DOES THE WORLD SEE YOU? "My First Mine", Pavement. Two things, 1) sensing I'm a bit of an egotist; 2)a lot of Pavement so far!

33)WILL I HAVE A HAPPY LIFE? "Grace", Jeff Buckley. Okie-dokie.

34)WHAT DO MY FRIENDS REALLY THINK OF ME? "Except for the Ghosts", Lisa Germano. Comes from an album of an autobiographical nature of a woman who got her ass kicked by the bottle. Greeeeeeaaaaaaatttttt.

35)DO PEOPLE SECRETLY LUST AFTER ME? "What a Waste", Sonic Youth. It's a waste because they don't act on it.

36)HOW CAN I MAKE MYSELF HAPPY? "Full on Idle", the Breeders. Hit the gas, kid.

37)WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH MY LIFE? "Subbacultcha", Pixies. Time to get my indie cred back.

38)WILL I EVER HAVE CHILDREN? "Superstar", Lupe Fiasco (feat. Matthew Santos).  I'm taking this as I'm going to be a great dad.

39)WHAT IS SOME GOOD ADVICE FOR ME? "Planet of Sound", Pixies. A lot of Pixies, too. My shuffle is stuck on the letter "P". As for what this means, guess I should just rock.

40)HOW WILL I BE REMEMBERED? "The Girls Want to Be With the Girls", Talking Heads. I will be remembered for my pioneer work in the field of lesbian dating.

41)WHAT IS YOUR SIGNATURE DANCING SONG? "Plans", Grizzly Bear. Apparently I dance like the backwards-talking dwarf in "Twin Peaks".

42)WHAT DO I THINK IS MY CURRENT SIGNATURE SONG? "Little Monsters", Charlotte Gainsbourg. This is one of those albums I bought because it was a hot French actress. It gets skipped a lot on my IPod. 

43)WHAT DOES EVERYONE THINK MY SONG IS? "Phantasies", Stephen Malkmus. A catchy little tune. and it has handclaps. I like handclaps.

44)WHAT TYPE OF WOMEN DO YOU LIKE? "Piggies", the Beatles. Oh, dear Lord.

45)WHAT IS MY DAY GOING TO BE LIKE? "Is This Love?" Clap Your Hands Say Yeah. Oh, I do hope so.