Friday, June 11, 2010

Peace Offering to the Enemy

Now that USC football has gotten its just desserts, getting suspended for two years from bowl games and losing 30 scholarships for its illegal recruiting methods, I don't want to come off as gloating. Yes, it is true that I am an alumnus of UCLA, the Trojans' arch rival, but I do have many friends from that institution of "learning". So, just to show some sympathy, I have come up with a list of things that USC fans can do while missing out on bowl games.

Catch Up On Your Reading. I know that reading is not popular amongst USC students, usually responding to the suggestion of such with a grunt and "What? Me no read!" But there are several exciting things to peruse (that means, "read"), such as this.

Go Sightseeing. Here's an idea, go see Reggie Bush's parents house in San Diego! Or maybe stop at Morongo Casino, home of the Tim Floyd girl fight! Or, here's an idea. Why not see lovely Seattle, Washington? Pete Carroll seems to think it's quite lovely, a place to maybe settle down and start a new career. I'm sure that's the reason Carroll left, the lovely scenery.

Help the Children. Since there's no point in investing in the current batch of USC players, maybe you need to think ahead. Way ahead. Maybe start watching Pop Warner football. You can work on your booster skills by buying the more talented kids juice boxes. Just to keep in shape.

Rent A Movie. Solid, life-affirming films. Like The Program. Or Blue Chips. Or you could watch the 2004 Championship Video, since that's going to be the only artifact left over of them winning.

Become a Fan of Another Team. People in Los Angeles bandwagon all the time. It's in their nature. If the Clippers get Lebron, for example, and Kobe gets hurt or retires, couldn't you see thousands of Clipper flags on cars in this town? So you won't lose any credibility. Just say, "Oh, I've been a fan of theirs for a long time," or, "My sister goes to that school." If Chris Rock can say he's a Knicks and Lakers fan, then you can have two college football teams. Don't worry, I'm not expecting you to come over to UCLA. Here's an idea - how about the other USC, University of South Carolina? They have Spurrier, you won't have to remove the bumper sticker off of your car...just a possibility.

Work Out. Take the time to exercise. I hear former USC linebacker Brian Cushing has a great program.

Work on Fixing South Central LA. Come on, shouldn't it make sense that a university that costs so much to attend should be located in a place with some kind of a nice view? Take a moment to be noble. Plant some trees. Work with the community. Work on building up the area around with you. Start with that shithole of a stadium.

This is just a start. Look at it this way - you have a chance for emotional, spiritual and intellectual growth here. Instead of focusing only on football, you could actually work at becoming a better person. Now there's an idea - an evolved USC football fan. Never thought I'd see the day.

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