Monday, September 26, 2011

My Latest Batch of Psychic Predictions

In tribute to the Christopher Walken character he played on SNL, Ed Glosser, Trivial Psychic, I have this habit of doing psychic predictions, usually around two in the morning. Here are last evening's results:

  • A kid will be bored by a trip to the aquarium; their mother will be disappointed in the kid's lack of imagination.
  • Someone will bring home Toaster Strudels instead of Pop Tarts. Reaction: "Now, those aren't Pop Tarts, ARE THEY?" 
  • The number of those dying nobly will lose, once again, to those surviving ignobly, by a large margin.
  • A homeless person will come up with a clever sign that will briefly increase donations for a few hours.
  • Someone will misspell "definitely" and "weird" in same sentence: this will be enough to keep me from dating them. 
  • A man will lament loss of Borders store, not because they read - that's where they went to the bathroom when at the mall. 
  • A teenage girl will buy a cute eraser at Japanese novelty shop; it will never be used to erase anything.
  • Owner will name racehorse cloyingly cute name; it will give horse low self-esteem, and it will never win.
  • An old pervert will make subway passengers uncomfortable by talking about how much he misses panty hose, out loud. 
  • Someone will regret asking the question, "So, how did you get that nickname?" 

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