Monday, December 22, 2008

old aches and pains/pajamagram

I have reached a point where my body has become so tight that I need a Thai massage instead of a regular one. This is not "tight" in a good way. This is "tight" in the "my muscles are stiff and I'm walking around like Scatman Crothers after he got the axe in 'The Shining'".  Therefore I am left to resort to the use of a tiny Asian woman who sticks her foot into the small of my back.

I actually don't consider myself an incredibly stressed person. However, my body begs to differ, as I have shoulders that feel like two stone tablets, and hamstrings that could be used to play a violin concerto. I know this because the masseuse I had continued to tell me as such throughout the hour-long session (not in those words; more like "you are tiiiiiight"). Have you ever had your legs made into the number four and then lifted so that your chin is the only thing touching the table? I have. Considering the number of times my body was lifted from the table, I'm thinking that she must have seen my penis at least three times, as my sheet seemed to think independently of me and didn't always follow my lead. Good for her, I guess, if that's her thing.

Overall, I feel much more relaxed, but I wish I could afford a more-regular massage. My body seems to be asking for it.


One other thing - who are the men that think that buying your wife a "Pajamagram" is the perfect Christmas gift? First off, none of the pajamas are even that sexy, unless you're looking for something that you could also wear to Wal-Mart if you don't feel like showering. Second, maybe it's just the women I've been around, but sleepwear is one of those gifts that's more for the man than the woman - and you know how much women love that concept. Why not just throw in NFL Sunday Ticket, as well? Lastly, the ad suggests that buying a Pajamagram makes you look like you spent a long time on choosing your gift. Excuse me? Is this because they come in a box? Because of the clever "Do Not Disturb" sign (another "this gift is for my needs, not hers")? The fact that the commercial mentions that is a problem in itself, because women are most likely seeing this spot as well. Now that they know how easy it is, so now you're cheap and too lazy to leave the house. Well done, Casanova.

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