CHAPTER XV
THE INTERVIEW MAGAZINE INTERVIEW
Before “Hot Ass Baby” had its release on the radio – and its sudden disappearance just days after its debut – Frank was interviewed by model-actress Shalom Harlow for Interview magazine. Usually the interviews in Andy Warhol’s famous magazine were done by people that were directly connected with the interviewee, but due to time conflicts Shalom was brought in at the last minute. For the telephone interview, Shalom was only given a couple of questions in advance, with the magazine’s editor telling her to “Just get him started. He’ll do most of the talking.”
INTERVIEW MAGAZINE, JANUARY 2001
FRANK BELMONDO: THE FORMER CHILD STAR MADE A COMEBACK BY SHAKING YOUR LOVE. CAN HE DO IT AGAIN? INTERVIEWED BY SHALOM HARLOW.
SHALOM: Hello?
FRANK: Yes?
SHALOM: This is Frank Belmondo, right?
FRANK: If this is the Red Cross again, I’m telling you, I’m all out of blood. I’m all used up.
SHALOM: No, this is Shalom Harlow. I’m calling you about your interview for Interview magazine.
FRANK: Oh, yeah. Sure. I forgot that was today. What’s your name again?
SHALOM: Shalom Harlow.
FRANK: I thought that the whole idea of the magazine was to have famous people interviewing other famous people. What have you done?
SHALOM: I’m a model and an actress.
FRANK: Oh.
SHALOM: And I used to be the host of House of Style on MTV.
FRANK: Well, ain’t that great. Good for you, kid. It’s always good to be versatile. I’m thinking about getting into the import-export business.
SHALOM: Really, that’s interesting.
FRANK: Yeah, that’s only if this music thing doesn’t get off of the ground.
SHALOM: This brings us to your new song, “Hot Ass Baby”.
FRANK: Oh, wait, I get it! I’ve got a song called “Hot Ass Baby”, and they have a model interviewing me! You must have a sweet caboose.
SHALOM: Oh, ummm…
FRANK: I mean, unless you’re one of those BBW models. If that’s the case, then I mean no disrespect. No, they wouldn’t have a BBW doing this interview, not at Interview. They always have twigs in the fashion section of that rag. Hold on, I’m going to look you up on the Internet. This will take a minute – I’m on a dial-up, but I’m on my cell phone, so we can still talk. So, before you called. I was flipping through the channels on the TV, and on TBS they’re showing Young Guns for the 450th time. I can’t watch that movie anymore.
SHALOM: Why not?
FRANK: All of the actors in the movie are like 5-foot-3. It kind of ruins the movie for me. All of these midgets running around with pop guns. It takes the piss out of it when you know stuff like that, if you ask me.
SHALOM: I didn’t ask you.
FRANK: Touché…I found your picture. Holy cow, you’re hot!
SHALOW: Oh, uh, thank you…
FRANK: A little creepy looking, in an Elvira sort of way, but hot, nonetheless.
SHALOM: Let’s get back to the interview. What was your inspiration for the song?
FRANK: That would have to be a woman with a really hot ass. It went for days.
SHALOM: That’s it?
FRANK: What were you expecting for my inspiration, a pretty sunset? The Chinese Cultural Revolution? The song is called “Hot Ass Baby”. HOT. ASS. BABY.
SHALOM: I haven’t heard the song, yet. I guess I just thought there might be a metaphor there or something.
FRANK: Listen here, English major, there ain’t no clever subtext in that song. Do you think that Sir Mix-a-Lot was searching for hidden meaning when he wrote “Baby Got Back”? He liked big butts and he couldn’t lie. That’s it.
SHALOM: Let’s move on. Does Screaming Jimmy appear on this song?
FRANK: Oh, uh, no. We have gone our separate ways.
SHALOM: Oh, that’s too bad. I really liked him.
FRANK: Yeah, he was great, but even Lennon and McCartney couldn’t last forever.
SHALOM: I see. It seems that I hit a nerve. I apologize.
FRANK: I MADE JIMMY LEANEY. HE’D STILL BE WORKING A DAY JOB IF IT WASN’T FOR ME…I’m sorry, I shouldn’t take it out on you.
SHALOM: No, I understand.
FRANK: You do seem very understanding. I was about to take a nap, but if you wanted to come over I could make pancakes.
SHALOM: I think we should leave it here. Thanks, Frank, for the interview, and good luck on your career.
FRANK: I’m sorry, are you a lesbian or something?
SHALOM: Excuse me?
FRANK: Don’t get me wrong, that’s cool if you are…
(Shalom hangs up)
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